It is not too late: You CAN save your relationship and reconnect with your partner. It may not be easy, but here’s some advice on where to begin.

  • Recognize that you have the power to redefine the relationship. Even if you feel like a victim, you play a role in setting up what is and isn’t acceptable in your marriage.
  • Stop the power struggle. Don’t be a “right-fighter.” Is it worth destroying your relationship so you can be right in every argument? Vow to deescalate situations rather than escalate them up. Stay calm during discussions. Take breaks if needed.
  • Make a promise to work on your relationship every single day — not just during the bad times, but also during the good ones. What have you done for your partner today to work on the friendship?
  • Make a plan together to renegotiate the relationship. Even patterns that you’ve had for 20 years can be changed, especially if both people are motivated but this strategy also works with just one person! One person can change the dynamic in a whole relationship by managing themselves differently.
  • Your vows are about commitment, not method. If the methods you’ve been using aren’t working, it’s time to try new ones. Work to be a better person in your relationship everyday.